Burnt Toast Sports — Brilliantly Stupid

MILWAUKEE – Jacob Misiorowski has had about as perfect a start to a major league career as you can have. Through his first three starts, batters are hitting just .030 against him. He’s posted a WHIP of 0.63—an especially wild stat considering his biggest knock coming up through the minors was his control. Even crazier, he’s allowed just three hits total. The cherry on top? He outpitched Paul Skenes Wednesday and secured his third win in as many outings.

The Miz has put Milwaukee back in the national spotlight and on highlight reels, thanks to ankle-breaking sliders and fastballs so filthy that viewer discretion is advised. Wednesday afternoon’s game drew 42,774 fans, and one thing’s for sure: The Miz is becoming must-see TV.

But here’s the thing—baseball makes no sense if you’re normal. Only the few and the proud buckle up and watch all 162 games. How is the average sports fan, spouse, or coworker supposed to understand how insane Misiorowski’s start has been? And how are you supposed to block off time from your busy schedule to watch and appreciate the Miz? Here is how and what to say.

Misiorowski’s first three starts have been as impressive as

• A homeless man buying a lake house
• Making cheese without any milk
• Helen Keller seeing and hearing
• Finding an appropriate response to “See you next time” from a Kwik Trip worker
• The Titanic actually being unsinkable
• Breathing oxygen on Pluto
• A double arm amputee catching a ball with their hands
• Lightning McQueen winning the Piston Cup in his rookie season
• A pigeon solving a Rubik’s Cube
• Doing laundry while patting your head and rubbing your belly
• The TV show Finding Bigfoot actually finding Bigfoot
• Not saying “Ope” for a week

Misiorowski is likely back on the mound Tuesday, July 1st, against the Mets. Now when you watch, you can explain why it matters and maybe even get your wife or girlfriend to care, too.