Burnt Toast Sports – Brilliantly Stupid

The Brewers have been on an absolute tear this week: Freddy Peralta’s dazzling start, Andrew Vaughn’s first at-bat home run, Jacob Misiorowski’s historic dominance, and to top it off, a matinee comeback capped by a Jackson Chourio walk-off. For the first time in franchise history, the National League Brewers swept the Dodgers in Milwaukee.

Now, Milwaukee sits just two games behind the Cubs, who continue to rake, and only three behind the Dodgers in total wins. We all know you can’t buy victories—unless you’re Pete Rose or Malik Beasley—but the Dodgers sure give it their best shot. Baseball is inherently unfair, especially if you’ve seen Moneyball. That’s what makes this sweep feel all the sweeter. It feels like justice.

The 2025 Dodgers have a payroll that’s a staggering $230 million higher than the Brewers. Even more absurd: they owe over $1 billion to eight different players on long-term deals extending through 2046. In comparison, the Brewers owe just $28 million in deferred compensation. One thing’s for sure—Dave Ramsey would be deeply disappointed in the Los Angeles Dodgers.

“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like,” Ramsey once said. Fitting. The Dodgers will pay more in luxury tax this season than the Brewers will spend on their entire roster.

Here’s a side-by-side of the top earners on each team in 2025:

Dodgers:

• Mookie Betts: $30,000,000
• Shohei Ohtani: $28,000,000
• Tyler Glasnow: $32,500,000
• Blake Snell: $28,500,000
  Total: $119,000,000

Brewers:

• Christian Yelich: $26,000,000
• Rhys Hoskins: $18,000,000
• Freddy Peralta: $8,000,000
• Nestor Cortes: $7,600,000
  Total: $59,600,000

Yes, the Dodgers’ top four players make $10.2 million more than the entire Brewers payroll in 2025.

Milwaukee’s offseason spending—just $6 million in free agency—was widely criticized. Meanwhile, the Dodgers shelled out $287 million, headlined by additions like Rōki Sasaki and Tanner Scott.

But as The Notorious B.I.G. once said: “Mo Money, Mo Problems.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

So instead of spending $287 million during free agency, here are a few alternate purchases the Dodgers could’ve made:

• 176,398 commercial-grade ball pits
• 11,480,000 $25 parking tickets paid in full
• 47 fully built Kwik Trips
• A large Starbucks drip coffee for every resident of Milwaukee—for 146 straight days
• Paid Caleb Durbin’s 2025 salary 428 times
• 8,696,969 cases of Busch Apple
• 287 million $1 hot dogs
• 54 PSA Grade 10 Pikachu Illustrator cards
• 17,937,500,000 toothpicks

The Brewers have earned their rest day. They’ll kick off a new series against the Nationals on Friday. Let’s see if they can keep the win streak alive.