Burnt Toast Sports – Brilliantly Stupid

For ballplayers, the All-Star break is a time to reconnect with friends and enjoy the company of family. In essence, it’s a chance to live, laugh, and love. For some, it’s a moment to slow down and indulge in the finer things in life.

For Jake Bauers, Isaac Collins, and Joey Ortiz, that meant taking time to smell candles.

From mahogany to lemon rosewood, the trio sampled it all at Glassnote Candle Bar in Milwaukee.

Just like finding the perfect scent, success on the field requires the right blend of ingredients—resilience, work ethic, balance, and passion. The absence of one, and everything can feel a little off.

Maybe Glassnote Candle Bar is just the place to reset and recharge ahead of a pivotal second-half postseason push. After all, fragrance has long been used to enhance mood, sharpen focus, promote relaxation, and yes—even neutralize sinks smells and bad vibes.

Candles have been shown to reduce stress, lower heart rate, improve sleep, and enhance cognitive performance. A 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that participants who smelled scented candles had anxiety scores 27% lower than those in control groups. The results are clear—and profound: candles can make you a better person… and maybe a better hitter. For the sake of science, here’s what Bauers, Collins, and Ortiz should be sniffing to spark a big second half.

“I added too much apple cider,” Isaac Collins joked while crafting his custom candle at Glassnote Candle Bar. Collins has certainly added something—but definitely not too much—to this year’s team. The 27-year-old rookie made the Opening Day roster thanks in part to Blake Perkins’ injury in March, and he’s since played his way into an almost everyday role. Like apple cider, Collins’ playing style is robust—he’s getting on base at a crisp .363 clip, has swiped 10 bags, and is patrolling the outfield with authority, racking up 7 Outs Above Average (96th percentile).

To keep his momentum going, Collins should lean into peppermint candles. Peppermint is proven to boost alertness. A 2019 study found that wearing a peppermint-scented patch for six hours significantly boosted memory, attention, and alertness. Collins already owns one of the best eyes at the plate—his 19.9% chase rate ranks in the 92nd percentile. A little more mint might make him an even tougher out.

“What could butt naked smell like?” Bauers wondered while browsing scents at Glassnote Candle Bar located in Milwaukee Wisconsin.

Unlike Collins, Bauers and Ortiz might benefit most from the odor-neutralizing effects of candles—because their play hasn’t exactly ripened yet. Bauers is hitting just .202 and hasn’t brought the thump off the bench that the Brewers were hoping for. In pinch-hit opportunities, he’s batting .176. Even more puzzling: when he’s ahead in the count 2-0, he’s batting just .067.

Bauers should try a cinnamon-scented candle. A 2009 study found that college students exposed to intermittent cinnamon scent during a two-hour simulated driving task reported significantly less fatigue, more alertness, and reduced frustration compared to those in a no-odor environment. Cinnamon might just be the missing ingredient in Jake Bauers’ 2025 turnaround.

“This might be the biggest accomplishment of my life,” said Joey Ortiz while finishing his personalized candle at Glassnote.

Ortiz’s 2025 has been… well, let’s call it fragrant in the wrong way. Could Glassnote Candle Bar located in Walkers Point in Milwaukee Wisconsin supply the fix he needs?

Pat Murphy’s wick seems to be burning low after a heated moment in Miami two weekends ago. “The manager is pissed,” Murphy said. “I want him to give me his best approach at the plate. And, you know, we’ve given him a lot. We play him every day, and we need him, and he can’t just have lapses at the plate like that.”

Defensively, Ortiz has been excellent at shortstop. But at some point, the bat has to justify the wax it’s burning. Since being benched in Miami, he’s batted .375—granted, in just three games. Zooming out, Ortiz has been a perfectly average hitter in months that start with “J”—he’s batting .276 in June and July. That could be a problem, considering the next “J” month is January… when no baseball is played.

Ortiz has barreled just three baseballs that weren’t middle-middle all season. In high-leverage spots—games within two runs after the 7th inning—he’s batting just .156.

Luckily for Ortiz, Glassnote Candle Bar has over 100 fragrances. His best bet? Palo Santo, a smoky cedar known as “holy wood” in Spanish. Used for centuries across South America to cleanse negative energy and invite good fortune—both things Ortiz could use more of.

Look, I don’t want to be too negative. I want Ortiz to succeed in Milwaukee, to be the shortstop of the future. But sometimes, it’s just time to burn bright somewhere else.

Let’s hope Collins, Bauers, and Ortiz grabbed a few good-vibe candles to go from Glassnote Candle Bar—because the Brewers are going to need all the calm, focus, and maybe a little lavender as they open the second half today in Chavez Ravine against the World Series Champs.