Burnt Toast Sports – Brilliantly Stupid

There are few things in life that happen more routinely than disappointing Brewers trade deadlines: summer and winter equinoxes, Taco Tuesday, A.J. Preller trading away top prospects, and morning poops after your first cup of coffee, to name a few. One thing not as common? Having three Major League–ready starting pitchers chomping at the bit to return to the bigs in AAA—and having the best record in Major League Baseball with just two months of regular season left.

Should we really be surprised? Probably not. The Brewers have rarely made a big splash at near the deadline. Mike Moustakas in 2018 and CC Sabathia in 2008 are the rare exceptions. But something about this year feels different. The stars aligned. For some celestial reason, this felt like the time and the opportunity to make a real upgrade.

Scroll through Brewers Twitter (X) and you’ll find opinions all over the place. From “Nah Brewers chillin’” to “Brewers are a loser franchise,” fans rightly have a wide range of takes on how the Crew did at the deadline.

Here’s how to objectively quantify the Brewers’ additions in the simplest terms.

Getting Danny Jansen in exchange for INF Jadher Areinamo (the Brewers’ 24th-ranked prospect) is like

• Not burning your tongue when you eat Hamburger Helper. A small thing. But it changes your whole day.

Danny Jansen is a clear upgrade over former backup catcher Eric Haase, who cleared waivers after being DFA’d and was optioned to AAA Nashville. Jansen, with 183 more plate appearances, has better 2025 stats than Haase across the board—except for batting average and, arguably, vision.

Jansen is a dude’s dude. A proud product of Appleton West High School, he comes from a family where everyone wears glasses. But during his High-A days, he wanted to have “good eyes” so badly that instead of visiting an optometrist, he just wore sunglasses instead.

With red hair, rec specs, and actual power (something this team has been craving), Jansen slots in with 11 home runs—fourth-most on the team. His barrel rate might be low, but his impact could be high. Just like not burning your tongue on Hamburger Helper, Danny Jansen reminds us that hamburger helper—and backup catchers—don’t always have to hurt.

The Brewers acquiring Brandon Lockridge for Nestor Cortes, INF Jorge Quintana, and cash is like…

• Planning to go to the gym tomorrow
• Sleeping in clean sheets that are still slightly damp

This one’s a bit of a head-scratcher. Sure, the Crew can always use speedy defenders. But with 95 at-bats in the bigs this year, and zero barrels this season, Lockridge’s offensive value is limited. He’s fast, a great baserunner, but rarely gets on base. His likely role? Occasional pinch-run duty—depending on the severity of Jackson Chourio’s injury.

If the Brewers’ outfield stays healthy, it would be surprising to see Lockridge on the hypothetical postseason roster. This trade feels more burdensome than impactful—like damp sheets. For it to pay off, we’ll need some serious Andrew Vaughn–style magic.

Getting Shelby Miller (and injured starter Jordan Montgomery) from the D-backs for a player to be named later and cash is like…

• Eating cereal with a big spoon
• Using a pen that writes perfectly
• Cooking the perfect steak
• Having just enough toilet paper left

Let’s cut to the good stuff: Shelby Miller is really good and the Brewers got him at a cheap cost. Shelby is in his 13th MLB season, and it might just be his best. The former starter now thriving in relief, Miller has an ERA under 2.00, a WHIP of 0.96, and an opponent batting average of just .190. He’ll bolster an already strong bullpen and didn’t cost a single prospect—keeping the Brewers’ “bites at the apple” strategy fully intact.

Jordan Montgomery, meanwhile, won’t impact the 2025 Brewers. He’s out for the season with Tommy John and is a free agent after the year. But his inclusion in the deal made it possible. Think of him as the price of entry. He’s like booking a beach vacation but having to fly Spirit to get there. The Brewers will pay $2 million to help cover his salary, which helped make the Shelby Miller portion of the deal possible. And who knows? If Brandon Woodruff’s rehab tour is any indication, maybe the Brewers pitch Montgomery on a team-friendly “prove-it” deal for 2026.

The Brewers head into August in first place in the division with the best record in baseball. Whether these trades go down as steak dinners or soggy sheets, one thing’s clear: Milwaukee didn’t stand pat—and improved without selling the farm. In a season full of weird magic and soft contact wins, that might be the perfect fit.